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The WORST Pinball Machines... and WHY?

Nedreud

Nedreud

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Aldershot, UK
I didn't find anything like this that already exists, so apologies if it has already been done.

I'm looking for your OPINIONS on the WORST pinball machines but only if you're willing to explain WHY!

I realise this is very subjective - one man's Gilligan's Island is another man's Medieval Madness - but that doesn't matter as long as you're willing to spill the beans and let on why you think "X" is so awful/boring/ill-designed/loud/annoying.

We've all heard disparaging comments about the infamous Gilligan's Island or Popeye Saves The Earth, but personally I've never read any convincing arguments for their bad reputations. I played Popeye at UKPP2013 and I thought it was pretty good. In fact, I may have played more games on it than anything else in an attempt to find out why it's so despised!

So, fire up your imagination, get creative and start writing your best opinion piece! And dare I say it - try to stick to the subject and not wander off telling others why they're wrong. There is no right or wrong ;)
 
Seriously, no replies in 4 hours. Are we all being nice now?

Think we might need to break it into different catagories. For modern machines Transformers stands out to me for being pretty dreadful. Horrible colourscheme. Boring play. A theme that does nothing for me. Was gutted when I played it as I got a replay and then eventually a free replay on the match score. Only machine I've ever walked away from with credit on.


Would I pay to play one again? Maybe if I was very bored. Maybe it's got hidden depths that playing at home would reveal.

Oh, hold on "24" is easily worse than TF. Wanted to play one for a couple of years. Finally tracked one down and promptly never wanted to play one again.
 
My opinion is obviously only based on games I've played. It's a toss up between Hurricane and RFM.

RFM has a great little package, art, sounds, concept, theme etc..

But when all is said and done, you just shoot up the middle and bash the centre targets. Very repetitive.

Hurricane has terrible art, rules, sound. No flow whatsoever due to the double Ferris wheels and hurricane ramp.

That's my worst 2 tables.
 
I'm guessing Popeye gets a bad rap for the noahs ark gubbins, nothing to do with the cartoon? rushed game. I don't think the layout is that bad, it needs new rules/dots, would benefit from modding p-roc. If I ever found one cheap enough one day I'll like to do it.

Worst game from Humpty Dumpty to now is Hook. Really annoying music/sounds, bonus is irritating. That repetitive wire ramp shot is a waste of space. Horrible.

I've never been brave enough to step up to Gilligan's Island, never touched it down to hearsay.
 
The only bad pinball is one that isn't working properly. I reckon if it was dialled in right and nice and steep and the conditions were right, I could enjoy even XFiles.

The reason I don't like that one especially is the waste of a fantastic license, lack of any interesting or fun shots, nothing memorable in sounds or dots or art package, ramps look weak and plasticky, nothing on playfield to grab your attention, just looks and feels cheap and nasty.

But put me in a situation where there's an XFiles on pay to play, I'll pay to play it. Only EMs will see me walk right past.
 
cooldan said:
The only bad pinball is one that isn't working properly. I reckon if it was dialled in right and nice and steep and the conditions were right, I could enjoy even XFiles.

The reason I don't like that one especially is the waste of a fantastic license, lack of any interesting or fun shots, nothing memorable in sounds or dots or art package, ramps look weak and plasticky, nothing on playfield to grab your attention, just looks and feels cheap and nasty.

But put me in a situation where there's an XFiles on pay to play, I'll pay to play it. Only EMs will see me walk right past.
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Saves my post on X Files, cheers Dan. Couldn't have put it better myself.
 
WTF guys? I've been busy moving house for the past couple of days and come back to some Popeye bashing. You know how I feel about that.

I've just got Popeye setup in his new home and I will be posting a picture-rich write up on why Popeye is not only not a crap game but actually a rather good one. Watch this space people.
 
I was beginning to wonder when I'd get a reply! Thanks everyone for taking the time to put some extra words into your replies. I'm after some "depth"!!!

I can second @johnwhitfield on Transformers. Another wasted license, but that's kinda the Stern way. I think they theme machines that will sell well into certain markets: bars, clubs, etc. That's fine of course because they exist to make money by selling pins so they make pins that sell. QED. Not played 24 or watched the TV series - is it just another ho-hum pin wrapped in marketing?

I can appreciate @Gaz Shiells comments on RFM. If it didn't look or sound so good with a big wodge of tongue-in-cheek humour I suspect interest would dwindle rapidly. But then maybe that's why it's popular - simple to understand and play, and sometimes relentlessly punching the same target is fun!

I've not played a Hook @dave but have seen several in the flesh. For me the theme is an instant turn-off.

Couldn't agree more with @cooldan about setup. I thought that BSD was the worst pin ever because the first one I played was ****. But then I played a mint, and I mean MINT, restored one at the Flippermuseum in Germany. Not only did it look as good as the one selling on here at the moment it was "dialled in" perfectly. Polished playfield, snappy flippers like rocket launchers, every toy working perfectly. Totally changed my opinion of BSD in a single game! It's also the reason I'm going to such lengths with my PARAGON restoration. For a single-ball game it's "brutally difficult" but has to be in tip-top condition for the gameplay to be challenging. I also second your disappointment on X-Files. Tragic waste of a good license. Such an uninspiring playfield and gameplay.

So my worst pin is... Gottlieb's Q*Bert's Quest.

I was so excited when I discovered this was at the Flippermuseum. The restoration work is mind-mending. The quality is drop-dead stunning. And, for me, the imagery of Q*Bert is so iconic. The playfield design is also very whacky. Strange extra flippers in the out hole that flip backwards. Weird loops, channels and gutters. Basically, it looks amazing. But, ye gads! It was boring to play. A single game lasted forever and I'm not a particularly good player which simply tells me it's too easy and/or is a poorly designed layout. Supposedly they attempted to translate the video game to pinball, so it's a "concept" pin. Such as shame.

Would look great in my dream pin shack between BLACK HOLE and MR & MRS PAC-MAN though...

mirror2.ipdb.org_images_1885_1885f2.jpg
 
The BSD I played at a local arcade was in shocking condition and as a result I absolutely hated playing it. Played one again at Play Expo last year and really loved it - would certainly consider having one at home.

Worst pin for me?

That's a really tough one. I've never really got on with TZ and I always thought it was because of the stop-start nature of the game. But having said that i've played Ripleys to death and that has a lot of the same symptoms. I really struggle to explain why I can tolerate one and not the other.
 
Fintan Stack said:
WTF guys? I've been busy moving house for the past couple of days and come back to some Popeye bashing. You know how I feel about that.

I've just got Popeye setup in his new home and I will be posting a picture-rich write up on why Popeye is not only not a crap game but actually a rather good one. Watch this space people.
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Hey, @Fintan Stack! I was giving POPEYE some love! I think I played it more than anything else at UKPP last year because I was trying to find out why it gets such a bad rap. It's not my favourite pin I've ever played, but was plenty better than others I was excited about that weekend (I recall HAUNTED HOUSE felt a bit damp).

I'm really looking forward to hearing all about why POPEYE isn't crap from someone in a position to know. And loads of photos to explain what's going on with that upper level that obscures half the playfield would be great! A sort of Owners Gameplay Review :D
 
Fintan Stack said:
WTF guys? I've been busy moving house for the past couple of days and come back to some Popeye bashing. You know how I feel about that.

I've just got Popeye setup in his new home and I will be posting a picture-rich write up on why Popeye is not only not a crap game but actually a rather good one. Watch this space people.
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At last reinforcements arrive ! The battle to restore Popeyes rep has been long and bloody. Sgt GrizZ salutes you @Fintan Stack
 
Fintan, I'm not hating on your machine pal , disable the defense systems for now ;), more replying to Nedreud because he mentions those two machines (pops & gills) in his post.

I've played that table twice in the flesh, have seen enough hated on videos and played it a tonne on VP. Nothing wrong with layout, it's different to a lot, IMO just could of all been used better.

Not sure I get the worst on TF. Haven't played it much, think the most time I've had on that was at last slam. The only thing about that table puts me off was watching bowen kerins play it for well over half hour. The guys good but I wouldn't like to play for that long he made it seem like it was lacking difficulty.
 
dave said:
Fintan, I'm not hating on your machine pal , disable the defense systems for now ;),
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LOL. Dude, I'm totally joking. I was perfectly aware of how much everybody hates Popeye when I bought it. I'm just messing. We all like and dislike different games. It would be boring otherwise.

No defense mechanisms were armed in the making of this thread. ;)
 
Fintan Stack said:
We all like and dislike different games. It would be boring otherwise.
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Damn right! That's what this thread is all about. I'm interested to know what folk don't like, but what I really want to know is why? That's why, on this thread, you can't be hating on a game you never played. I think BARB WIRE looks ghastly and I have a feeling it could be pretty lame, but I can't say with certainty until I rack up at least half a dozen games. Like I said it's all very subjective, rather emotional and very personal, but also very, very interesting.
 
Fintan Stack said:
I was perfectly aware of how much everybody hates Popeye when I bought it.
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Brits (I think we're mostly Brits on here ;)) have a history and culture of backing the underdog. I think it's almost our national duty to elevate POPEYE to its rightful position!
 
@dave 'Hook' bashing :tut:. ;)

My worst pin would be Bally's 'speak Easy'. Dreadfully boring with no skill shots to speak of. Sound is appalling and could have been done with chimes to be honest.
Easily confused with an EM machine even though its not.
Main aim just seems to be to get an extra ball.... YAWN.
Happy I turned mine into a coffee table. Much more exiting now :thumbs:
 
I'm going to have to go with Stern's Playboy for this, completely cheesy and the theme is awful. Alright the gameplay isn't hugely terrible but the theme is and for me that is a key part to enjoying the game. Again one of those game's I have found on location and walked away from a free game because it was easy to hit the replay. The music on it is dull and the cabinet artwork isn't much better. It's the only pin in the town I go to college at and every time now I look through the pub window praying it has been replaced and yet it is still sitting there.
 
TZ has a special place in hell for being the worst table I've played. They simply never worked properly on site.
 
I know what you mean @Archyta5 about Stern's PLAYBOY. I've played it several times when it was resident at The Pipeline. Pins have a history of being adorned with lovely ladies because it must have become pretty obvious to manufacturers who the core market was during the 50s, 60s and 70s, but there's something about Stern's Playboy that slightly oversteps the mark. It definitely borders on less than tasteful, but I found the gameplay pretty good. But Bally's '78 Playboy is much better! Subtle, yet somehow saucier ;) I've just discovered why I like the artwork so much... it's by Paul Faris again who did PARAGON.

"Nil Point" @Judge Dreads!!! An explanation is required as stated in the rules for this thread! LOL, I'm just playin' with ya ;) but my mate has Bally's WHO dunnit and he really likes it! Says playing along to the back story makes a great challenge. I've only had a couple of quick games of W?D and it confused the hell out of me! I've heard some purists aren't keen on this one due to the option to gamble your score on Roulette or the Slots, but it very much seems to me that you need to have an understanding of the objectives (solving the murder mystery) to have the faintest inkling of why you need to go up or down the elevator or start a particular mode. It's a long read but the Rulesheet is very interesting!
 
Paul said:
TZ for me too as it's just an awful game :D
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But why is it an awful game? You seem to be highly outnumbered by folks that think this is one of the best games ever! Now I don't prescribe to the logic "Eat sh*t - 10 Billion flies can't be wrong" but why don't you like feasting upon the highly polished TZ turd? :confused:
 
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