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****ing cats

johnwhitfield

johnwhitfield

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10 Years
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Jul 21, 2011
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new cross
:mad: Well the little **** has just excelled himself.

Whenever I go into my games room I want to kill the little *******. Not content with ruining my room on his own he appears to be bringing all his neighbourhood mates into the back room to join in the chaos.

My PDI glass is covered in paw prints. There's a whiff under one of the machines so I'm guessing it didn't like the rain and didn't want to use the cat flap. How the holy **** can a cat produce something the size and shape of a cow pat?:confused:

Yup, there's also a new hair ball vomited up on one of the back boxes. Grrr.

A bit of fumigation later and it's semi-inhabitable again. Started to work on a game and reached for my multimeter. Discovered my hand covered in sticky stuff.

****ing little ****hole:mad::mad::mad::mad: It's been ****ing in the box where the meter is. Little **** has been going repeatedly in there. Somehow this must have been going on for so long it's not even really liquid anymore, more of a gloop like semi-dried out orange squash.:eek:

Trust me if I catch the ****er today it's going to get a multimeter probe shoved right up it's ****hole:mad:

Makes me feel a lot less guilty about the time it jumped inside the coin door of my TAF and I shut the ******* inside for 24 hours by mistake.

Seriously the thing is ****ed in the head. It loves to crap everywhere except for outside. It even crawled into the washing machine to have a dump a while ago. My daughter loves it to pieces so I can't take it to the vet for a date with a needle.
 
johnwhitfield said:
:mad: Well the little **** has just excelled himself.

Whenever I go into my games room I want to kill the little *******. Not content with ruining my room on his own he appears to be bringing all his neighbourhood mates into the back room to join in the chaos.

My PDI glass is covered in paw prints. There's a whiff under one of the machines so I'm guessing it didn't like the rain and didn't want to use the cat flap. How the holy **** can a cat produce something the size and shape of a cow pat?:confused:

Yup, there's also a new hair ball vomited up on one of the back boxes. Grrr.

A bit of fumigation later and it's semi-inhabitable again. Started to work on a game and reached for my multimeter. Discovered my hand covered in sticky stuff.

****ing little ****hole:mad::mad::mad::mad: It's been ****ing in the box where the meter is. Little **** has been going repeatedly in there. Somehow this must have been going on for so long it's not even really liquid anymore, more of a gloop like semi-dried out orange squash.:eek:

Trust me if I catch the ****er today it's going to get a multimeter probe shoved right up it's ****hole:mad:

Makes me feel a lot less guilty about the time it jumped inside the coin door of my TAF and I shut the ******* inside for 24 hours by mistake.

Seriously the thing is ****ed in the head. It loves to crap everywhere except for outside. It even crawled into the washing machine to have a dump a while ago. My daughter loves it to pieces so I can't take it to the vet for a date with a needle.
Click to expand...

Sorry, couldn’t help but laugh. One of my cats has similar behaviours.

I was moaning about it p!ssing into one of my stereo speakers the other day when a mate said “that’s nothing mate”

He then went on to tell me his story.

His family had noticed that their toast ‘tasted funny’ recently.

It was days later when he walked into the kitchen to find the cat squatting on the toaster and p!ssing into it.

The toaster crumb tray was swimming with it, yellow crystals and all.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
The toaster story made me laugh. Maybe I’m getting off easy

Sadly I can’t keep it out of the games room as it’s banned from the kitchen and we have no other downstairs rooms. Come to think of it it’s pretty much banned from all other rooms unsupervised. My wife was off on a works trip and during the five mins she turned her back on him he ****ed in her suitcase half an hour before she was due to leave. I’ve never seen her so angry about anything.
 
One of mine peed in my Pinball tool box (old washing up bowl). Took me a week to figure out where the smell was coming from. First and last time it has happened though, it was because the snow was really bad outside.
 
My cat just wants to sleep on stuff and yelp. Drives me insane. Sophitia is 14 and my wife is adamant we wont get another cat when she goes.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro
 
I feel really sorry for your cat If you hate it that much it's time to find it a new home.
Our 4 cats do this. They **** on the floor are sick on the carpet, throw up hairballs, leave fur everywhere, scratch the furniture, sit on the pinball machines and cost us a small fortune in food ,yet if I had to choose between a pinball machine and our cats the pinball would be out of the house first. The more you hate cats the more they will hate you. Quite clever buggers really.
 
When I go to bed I kick the cat out.
When I get up and go to work I open the door and the cat comes in.
Cat: **** you.
Me: **** you.

That kinda sets me up for a day working in an inner London school.

When i get home he meets me at the top of the road.
Me: Hi
Cat: **** You

Cats really don't give a ****. If you don't feed them someone else does or they eat the neighbours dog.
 
Cats - FPITA - I've just had to shell out £40 for a new catflap - a fancy, more secure one that will only let in cats with the correct electronic collar. - been having visits from a ginger tom who has equipped himself with a magnetic collar, so was getting in the old cat flap, terrorising my cat and eating all her food. The new one uses an infrared collar tag. I hope Ginger-T doesn't know how to order one of those collars off ebay! I was going to go the whole techno hog and get the one that is coded to the mictochip in your cat, but then I can't remember if our cat has been chipped or not (the ex-wife used to look after the vet/cat stuff and I'm not going to ask her ffs).
 
I like cats, they amuse me, but also allergic to cat hair - probably a blessing in disguise otherwise the Mrs would have several of the furry little pirates and our flower beds would become open-air toilets.

Some cats can produce unfeasibly large turds. There's got to be a BBC documentary in that...
 
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Reading this gave me a laugh today then later on was talking to my wee nephew who is 11 and he asking me to guess where he is going tomorrow all excited thought he might be going to the cinema no he is going to a cat cafe in Glasgow where you go for lunch and about 20 cats just walk about didn't have the heart to tell him about the stories I read here,you even have to book up weeks in advance as its that busy "mental"
 
When we first moved to the house there was a stray that used to come in and spray

Bought one of the fancy cat flaps that respond to their micro chips.

Discovered that every single cat in the neighborhood still could force their way in with one exception. Yup somehow my idiot cat with the chip managed to get stuck outside. FFS he really is a bit special.

Never really had much luck with cats. Think I got cursed as a young teenager. It was winter of 86 or 87 and my grandparents cat had disappeared for three weeks. Myself and my dad found it dead and frozen solid. So not great but nothing too traumatic. However my dad has a slightly weird outlook on life. The ground was frozen solid so burial wasn’t an option. Sticking it in the bin would have been too easy and he didn’t want his parents to get upset.

The solution apparently was to start a bonfire in the garden to get rid of various bits of rubbish and the cat.

Three hours later we had to leave my grandparents. Yup. A three week solidly frozen cat is not an easy thing to burn. It was slightly singed in parts and semi defrosted and basically a bit “damp”. Couldn’t possibly leave this abomination with my grandparents so we had to take it with us. Spent the next 30 mins driving around trying to find somewhere to dump the corpse. Not as easy as you think..,

All in all I think it’s karma out for revenge.

I’d like to think that these incidents in my childhood were one offs but several spring to mind ....
 
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